I’m a federal government employee.   Today is the 39th day of the longest government shutdown in history.  Its not a great accomplishment and I’ve got so many mixed feelings about what is happening to the United States and the rocky path along which our country seems to be moving. The shutdown is just the latest pothole on this path.  I’m going to try to write over the next few days and weeks about some of these thoughts and I hope that they make sense but its also just cathartic for me to type it out.

First Thought:

Six weeks in and I’ve been lucky so far; I’ve had some money set aside and my parents have been very generous in helping me out as needed to make sure my mortgage and loans get paid.  I’ve made sure to spend time with my kids, visit my son at his first year of university, and visit with my sister from out-of-town, while also going to a crap-ton of doctors’ appointments for both me and the kids.  How I accomplished a lot of this while I still worked normal hours is astounding to me.  Its also made me realize how much time I waste in a given day and how I need to get better about scheduling my time and being purposeful and intentional with my free time.  Oh! And I cleaned out a bunch of ages-old shit from my basement – namely years and years of greeting cards (think “happy birthday to three-year old me”), letters, vacation souvenirs, childhood stuffies, old mementos and scrapbooks and so much paper and junk.  Why I ever thought I needed to keep all of this for time immemorial is mind-boggling.  And the thought that my kids would have to go through all this when I died gives me heart palpitations.  So – shutdown at home is a mixed bag; some hardships and some wins in terms of home projects and personal productivity.

Second Thought:

The above thought sounds whiny.  What right do I have to complain when I have a family and support system to make sure my bills are paid and I have food and health care when I need them?  I think about so many of the furloughed or essential federal employees who have to work every day and not get paid.  Or – even worse – work every day, not get paid AND work a second job so there is some money coming in. These are the federal workers that people should be worried about.  When the worst thing you have to be concerned about is whether or not to clean your bathroom today or watch a TV show, then you need to just shut up.

Third Thought:

This week I attended the Pod Save America live show in D.C. and the following day’s Crooked Con at the Ronald Reagan building.  Both events were motivating, inspiring, and full of speeches and stories about this week’s turnout and impressive showing of Democratic support in several key 2025 elections, including governor races in Virginia and New Jersey and the mayoral election in New York City.  Lots of pundit analysis, commentary, and opinions about strategy, the upcoming midterm elections, and whether or not the Democrats stand a chance of winning back the majority in the House or (long-shot ahead) the Senate majority in 2026.  What its forcing me to confront is the need to be uncomfortable and get involved.  With all that is at stake with Trump in the White House and execution of a Project 2025 agenda to dismantle the federal government infrastructure and exert unprecedented presidential power, people can’t be complacent as rights are dissolved.  This may sound alarmist, but I think is warranted and justified. The last couple of days have demonstrated how much is needed to get people out of their comfort zones and start mobilizing to prevent the complete destruction of our democratic systems and institutions. So next steps: figure out what I feel passionate about, have time for, and how I can get involved.

Fourth Thought:

I started this writing blog almost a year ago and haven’t written at all since last December.  At the beginning of the shutdown I kept meaning to write every day.  I figured “Hey!  Perfect time for me to start writing more. I have all this unrestricted free time. No more excuses!”.  Did I do it? No.  Not. One. Word.  Why?  I struggle with perfectionism and the need for control.  If I want to be a writer, I need to write and not worry about whether or not every single word is perfect or makes sense.  I’m learning.  I just need to write and not worry so much about the output right now.  Its like learning an instrument or how to play soccer or learn to paint – its the practice and the discipline of practice.  Just to do it, in other words.  So thats what I’m going to do.

– K